A Slightly Predictable Angst Fic
by Jennifer Juniper
Summary: A parody of all those cheesy angst fics, but it's got a tiny bit of a twist. There is another chapter! ChiChi's, here we come. Read and review, please!
1. The Beginning of the Silliness...

Author's Note: I've read a few too many sappy angst fics that miss the angst point and just sound silly. They go on and on describing stupid things, like someone's eyes, while nothing really happens. This is my angst parody, written to try to stop the sap. This is dedicated to my little sister, Athena Winner (read her stuff!), who reads those angst fics and laughs at them. Please read and review.   
  
I sighed, staring up at my bedroom ceiling. When would I stop moping like the fool I was? For God's sake, I was lying on carpeting and looking for pictures in the ceiling tiles. Maybe I was going insane. That would certainly explain a lot.  
  
I sighed a second time and rolled over onto my stomach. Making sure no one was near, I shut the door and locked it. With the door ajar, my secret would remain hidden for long. Over to my bed I crept, and pulled a thick notebook from under the mattress. Still making sure that no one was spying on me, I slowly opened it.  
  
This adored, well-worn, dog-eared, blue notebook was my portable shrine. I had glued in at least 150 pictures and written twice as many poems to my secret love. Flip, flip, flop, flip went the sheets within as I slowly paged through my years of devotion. The poetry I had written so long ago was horrible (as were the recent odes), but I enjoyed watching my beloved's pictures mature. I grabbed for my scissors and glue. I had a new picture to add in.  
  
It was a wonderful picture of him. I had found it in a magazine recently. My beloved, now a famous and talented professional soccer player, was standing in the middle of the soccer field where his team won the World Cup. He held a soccer ball with one arm and waved frantically at the camera with the other. As usual, his face was screwed up into that trademark insanely big grin of his. I glued it onto the last page. Every page had now been filled except for the front page, which I was saving for something special.  
  
Closing the book, I decided to end my worshipping for the day with my favourite picture of him. I kept it in a locket that I wore around my neck. He gave it to me years ago with a picture of his face inside. I don't know why he'd given it to me in the first place; he knew as well as I that I would most likely never wear it, as lockets weren't really my kind of thing. I dropped it in a drawer and forgot about it, but now I wear it every day.  
  
I unclasped the golden chain from around my neck and opened up the large golden heart. It was a bit tacky looking in public and was dented and chipped in some places, so I wore it under my shirt. However, in private, it was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I could ever hope to own, simply because he gave it to me. I often thought when I was alone that there was nothing more elegant than this large golden (though with little actual gold) heart and nothing more charming than its little bumps and dents. The only bit that bothered me was that there was a name on the back--his sister's name--so I often wondered what he had to do to get it from her.  
  
Inside was a picture of my secret love, the original picture from those years so long ago when we were twelve. For once he was smiling normally, rather than the infamous village idiot's grin he usually wore. His eyes were opened very wide, yet he did not look skittish or surprised. The irises were such a dark, entrancing colour, like melted chocolate on saucers of the purest white. I loved looking at those marble like orbs that burned from the inside with a shadowy fire, imagining them to be pools of mud that I could jump in and cover myself with.  
  
After gazing deeply (or as deeply as one can look at a picture, anyway) at his lucious, luminous eyes for a while, I moved on to his hair. As large as the locket was, not all of his hair fit in the picture. It didn't matter, though; I still remembered exactly what it had looked like before he had it cut and could picture it perfectly in my mind. My finger lazily traced his outline while I sighed a third time, just for good measure.  
  
It wasn't fair, not even a tiny little bit. I was worshipping a guy who would never be mine. For God's sake, he was gay! Recently, he had come out and announced to the world and Entertainment Weekly magazine that he was gay. He presented his boyfriend to the world around the same time, though a little bit after. Ironically enough, his boyfriend was the 'blonde beauty' (as People Magazine had put it) who all our friends expected ME to hook up with.I had never considered my beloved's boyfriend as anything more than a brother, but Mimi had 'accidentally' started some rumours about us, and so it had been expected of us to marry and have so many children that we'd have to call pest control.  
  
Suddenly, I knew how those cartoon characters like Bugs Bunny and such feel when the little light bulb goes on above their heads. The perfect way to fill the front page of my notebook came to me. I grabbed my pen and began to scrawl thoughts and phrases onto scrap paper. Finally, I had notebook acceptable work. Using the best handwriting I could muster up, I copied the newest addition into the shrine.  
  
"O, my beloved, how I wished you knew  
How much I truly care; I swear I truly do.  
You'll never be mine; this much I know as true,  
But please just let me say this: I love you.  
  
To my one and only beloved, Davis  
  
Love,  
  
Kari"  
  
I smiled, closed the book, and hugged it to my chest. Of course, I also sighed. If only he were mine...  
~*~  
  
Sooooo....Did I confuse you? Did you think this was a one sided Taiora? I hope so. Please review. If you review, then I'll worhip you and love you in a platonic sense. And I know how much you guys want my love (and possibly reviews from me...Hmm...). Hint: REVIEW. 


	2. ChiChi's, Pudding Bowls, and Snot Green ...

I probably shouldn't have continued this, as I think it cheapens the effect of the first chapter, but Sara wanted me to, so I did. Lesse...Signs of a bad angst fic are in place. Simple grammatical errors littering the story? Check, though there aren't TOO many because I'm a grammar demon. Stupid author's notes in the middle of the story that aren't relevant in the least? Check. Over-the-top descriptions? Check. Stupid ways of describing characters instead of just saying their names (eg: "The clever lilac haired girl" rather than "Yolei")? Check. Completely OOC characters when it suits my purposes? Double check. Okay, looks good. Remember to review, everyone! On with the show.  
  
Several hours later, I woke up, not realizing that I had fallen asleep. My notebook still rested on my chest and my hand was curled tightly around the locket. Someone pounded impatiently on my bedroom door while I blinked and tried to register the fact that I was awake. What time was it? A look at the clock, reading 5:30 pm, told me that I had been asleep for about two hours.  
  
I turned my attention back to the rapping on my door, which was growing more impatient every moment. "Kari! Are you in there?" Yolei called. She was now my roomate. We shared a two-bedroom apartment near our college. I quickly hid my shrine to Davis under my mattress and put my necklace back on. Hoping Yolei hadn't been waiting for very long, I opened the door.  
  
"There you are, Kari. I was wondering...Hey, what's that?" Yolei asked, pointing at my locket. "And why the heck does it say 'June' on it?"  
  
I blushed a colour of red so dark that it hadn't even existed up until this point and stuffed it (the locket, not the colour) underneath my shirt, muttering something completely idiotic and incoherent. The clever lilac haired girl wasn't fazed, though.  
  
"Well, that made sense," she sarcastically said [AN: Oooh, alliteration!]. I started to open my mouth and explain, but she shook her head and grinned toothily [AN: Isn't 'toothily' a totally spifferific word?]. "Never mind. There's no time to explain, as it'd probably take quite a while. Anyway, we're going out for dinner at ChiChi's and I wondered if you wanted to come."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Ken, me, maybe Willis, Cody, Cody's girlfriend, and whoever they invite."  
  
"Cody got a girlfriend?"  
  
She nodded. "I'm shocked, too. That's why we're eating out. To celebrate. So, are you in? Ken's willing to pay for everyone's food, but we have to be there by 6:15."  
  
I shrugged. Getting out of the house would be good for me, I thought. Maybe I'd stop moping and imagining the sad clown music playing in the background like the loser that I was. "Sure, why not. Do you know anything about Cody's girlfriend?"  
  
"Aside from the fact that she must have some sort of mental illness to be sleeping with Cody? Nothing."  
  
Darn. I was morbidly curious as to what sort of person would want to date Cody. He was a nice guy and everything, but, as Yolei sometimes put it, "geeky in a bad way". I hadn't seen him in a while, though. Maybe he had stopped cutting his hair with a pudding bowl.  
  
I went back into my room to change into something suitable. After several minutes of debating various choices, I settled on a black and white striped tank top, black flare pants, and a white overcoat thing, the kind thats been really popular lately. I brushed my hair and looked in the mirror. Perfect! No one would mistake me for a whiny loserly person who wrote poetry to a gay guy that she was desperately in love with. They might mistake me for a screwed up mime, but not a whiny loserly person who wrote poetry to a gay guy that she was desperately in love with. When I walked out again, Yolei looked me over.   
  
"It lacks colour, but it looks good on you," she said. Yolei herself had no worries about lacking colour on this particular night. She wore a dark blue t-shirt with an orange vest--the vest reminded me of the kind that Davis used to wear--embroidered with little pink flowers, and a pleated denim skirt that ran in vertical stripes of indigo and and pale blue. On any other person, the outfit would look terrible, but Yolei could pull off nearly anything and Ken would still drool in her tracks. Once she was dressed up as a nun--don't ask why, it's a long story--and Ken was still salivating over her. It was kind of gross.  
  
I checked my watch. It read 6:00. "Oh no! We've got to get going, or we'll be late, Yolei!" I exclaimed. We ran downstairs and outside, jumped into my red VW Beetle, and drove off into the night.   
  
When we arrived at ChiChi's, everyone was waiting for us. Ken was waving, Willis leaned against a wall, smoking a cigarette, and Cody had his arm around an unfamilliar girl. I parked and we walked over to the group. Everyone greeted us, and I got a better look at the new girl.  
  
Cody's girlfriend was, well, interesting looking, I suppose. Her hair was dyed a very bright, snot like green. It was shoulder length and perfectly straight, like she had ironed it flat. Her eyes were grey and she wore wire glasses. She wore a short blue dress and a black leather jacket. She smiled, and I had the feeling that she was very nice, despite her strange appearance.  
  
"Good to see you again, Kari," Cody said--and yep, still had a bowl haircut. Maybe his girlfriend went for personality rather than looks. "It's been a while. Anyway, this is my girlfriend, Violet Black. Violet, these two are Kari Kamiya and Yolei Inoue."  
  
Violet and I shook hands. "It's nice to meet you, Kari," she said politely.  
  
Willis stomped out his cigarette and tapped his foot. "Are we going to eat anytime soon, or will we just stand out here? I'm getting kind of hungry."  
  
We all walked inside. On the way, Willis kissed me on the cheek. "Thought you disappeared, Kari, by the way you avoid people nowadays. I've missed you." His bright pool-like blue eyes bored into my brown ones, and he smiled. I felt rather sick.  
  
"Reservations for Ichijouji?" Ken asked. The person behind the little counter thing nodded and led us to a table in an area that had hardly anyone in it. The room was almost completely silent. I sat down next to Yolei. Willis sat down across from me, smiling. I quickly opened up the menu and pretended to labor over the decision of what to eat. Meanwhile, with the menu hiding my head, I valiantly attempted to return my face to a normal colour and failed miserably.  
  
Someone was talking to me. "Kari?" Violet asked.  
  
"I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't really paying attention," I apologized.  
  
"That's all right. I was just asking you when you met Cody," Violet replied.  
  
"Oh. That was a while ago, when we were kids," I replied. "How'd you meet him?"  
  
"Well," Violet began, smiling, "I was at the library and I noticed a creative writing paper left on a table. No one was claiming it, so I took a look, and it was brilliant. I didn't know anything about the person who wrote it except that the name 'Cody Hida' was written the paper. I found him and gave it back, and it all kind of spiraled from there."  
  
I smiled. That was sweet. If I was to meet someone like that, I'd be happy, too. While Violet and I were talking, a waitress had taken everyone's orders down. She came to me and I quickly decided to have a taco salad.  
  
"May I have...?" I began, but then suddenly froze. The room we were in wasn't nearly so quiet anymore.  
~*~  
  
Wooo, cliffhanger! So, review. Tell me if I'm doing the story an injustice [AN: Injustice! Onna!] by writing more. Thank you much! 


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